I still think about my first time
Erotic Tale - A True Story - 31 Jan 2026
I was just out of high school and living in and out of my parents and rebelling against their conservative Catholic upbringing at every turn finally able to express myself when I met HER. The girl who set my heart on fire the first time and I had met through a mutual friend at tafe and work. She was not just my first girlfriend situation-ship- she was my first intimate experience with a woman. I have craved that tantric sensuality ever since and no heteronormative sex has come close to that pleasure ever.
I remember being so shy when I stayed over for a sleepover to make work easier the next day. My heart was pounding when I learned we would be in the same bed. I was so anxious, curious and so wet in anticipation. Her kisses and playful biting lead to fingering one another and going down on one another, then 69, then my first tribbing /scissoring experience. I was 19. The way her hands felt so warm and passionate have always stuck with means the way our bodies moved together. The way it felt to feel that intensity and gentle firmness no man could ever give me. I looked for that in every other dating experience and relationship in both men and women and have not yet found anything like that that feels that mutually satisfying. I ask myself often if it was my real first love and wonder if the right afab enby or woman came along would my emotional cup finally feel full and not performed ? Is that why no other relationships seem to quite feel right ? Have I been trying to please my parents opinions of me all these years instead of being my true self ? I love my kids but I know they would thrive more if I was happy and had zero things holding my most honest self expression back and keeping me from showing up my most authentically in the world as all that I am and setting the example that I was always enough just as I am and teaching them not to look for approval and love in the wrong places and that happiness comes from living our truth and not the expectations of others around us.
Anyone relate ? I wonder if that’s why I just always feel something is missing in my life. It’s why I’m here to explore my queerness more. I want to feel whole and like I truly know myself. I need the closure for young me
I remember being so shy when I stayed over for a sleepover to make work easier the next day. My heart was pounding when I learned we would be in the same bed. I was so anxious, curious and so wet in anticipation. Her kisses and playful biting lead to fingering one another and going down on one another, then 69, then my first tribbing /scissoring experience. I was 19. The way her hands felt so warm and passionate have always stuck with means the way our bodies moved together. The way it felt to feel that intensity and gentle firmness no man could ever give me. I looked for that in every other dating experience and relationship in both men and women and have not yet found anything like that that feels that mutually satisfying. I ask myself often if it was my real first love and wonder if the right afab enby or woman came along would my emotional cup finally feel full and not performed ? Is that why no other relationships seem to quite feel right ? Have I been trying to please my parents opinions of me all these years instead of being my true self ? I love my kids but I know they would thrive more if I was happy and had zero things holding my most honest self expression back and keeping me from showing up my most authentically in the world as all that I am and setting the example that I was always enough just as I am and teaching them not to look for approval and love in the wrong places and that happiness comes from living our truth and not the expectations of others around us.
Anyone relate ? I wonder if that’s why I just always feel something is missing in my life. It’s why I’m here to explore my queerness more. I want to feel whole and like I truly know myself. I need the closure for young me
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